That’s it, I’ve had it.
Always and everywhere you read that you have to change.
As if you can do it just like that or want to do it just like that. As if you have to do it just like that.
Who says I have to change? Why do I have to change?
If you don’t like the way I am, why don’t you change yourself?!
I receive this guff almost daily. Our plastic brain is incredibly uhm… plastic, indeed.
But not ‘just like that’, for everything, always, and immediately.
It takes blood, sweat, and tears to change and apparently everyone desires that from you, but the question that is never asked is: why?
It is delusional to think that you can become someone else. You can, of course, grow, evolve, and therefore change.
But please stop thinking that you can be a juicy apple and become a cool pear.
To get rid of one bad habit requires weeks, if not months, or even years. Coaching or therapy teach you how to pay attention, call yourself to order, and persist. But then something distressing occurs and you immediately fall back into your trap.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t do your best to get rid of bad habits. I even stopped drinking wine and beer and the like – for my sport. As a diver it is better to be in good condition; under water it’s just a tad more difficult to treat a heart attack or stroke. But I wasn’t addicted to alcohol, making it relatively easy to say no. Although I must admit that I do sometimes still drink a glass. Quality wine, otherwise I won’t waste my precious health on it. I first smell my husband’s glass and then decide whether it’s worth it to me. But Dirk has very good taste, so a second rule is required in order to not yield to the wine: there is no dive scheduled for the next 3 days. Because I often dive on Sundays and the nice dinners happen Saturday evenings before the opera, I manage to stick to my no-alcohol rule just fine. And… I discovered that even just smelling excellent wine gives me a nice sensation of pleasure.
Benefit of change
In short: change if you benefit from it. And if it suits you. And if you don’t have to suffer too hard.
Am I opposed to renouncing alcohol misuse and therefore ‘changing’? No, of course not – it is exactly my point that you were not born an alcoholic. Although one may have a greater disposition for it than another: genes, you know.
While it is not easy to unlearn something that suits you, it does make more ‘sense’ than trying to become something or (un)learn something that is at odds with your nature.
Hence, change only for who you ‘really’ want to be: by becoming more of yourself. That, by the way, is called growth.